Innie Or Outie? Introvert Or Extrovert? Knowing Who You Are-A Pathway To Happiness & Self-Worth
Posted: Wednesday, February 15, 2012
by Fran Larson
http://www.franniesquotes.com/
I have written about this subject before, but I am proud and happy to be writing about it again because as time goes by, I understand myself better and better. I am definitely an introvert and wouldn’t have it any other way, especially now that I understand myself.
When I was a child and even in my teens, people would always remark, “she’s so quiet” or “she’s so reserved.” I got really tired of hearing that because I never thought of myself as being quiet and besides they made it sound so “freakish.” I still remember on my report card it was written, “Francine needs to speak up more.” It was such a struggle. It was almost as if I were doing something wrong.
“In an extroverted society, the difference between an introvert and an extrovert is that an introvert is often unconsciously deemed guilty until proven innocent.”? Criss Jami, Venus in Arms.
The only positive comment that I could remember was from my uncle. He said, “Francine is quiet, but when she does speak, it is something worth saying.” I will always remember and cherish that thought.
For a scientific explanation of an introvert, here is an excerpt from a book called, The Introvert Advantage (How To Thrive in an Extrovert World), by Marti Laney, Psy.D.:
“It turns out that Introverts are people who are over-sensitive to Dopamine, so too much external stimulation overdoses and exhausts them. Conversely, Extroverts can’t get enough Dopamine, and they require Adrenaline for their brains to create it.
“I still remember on my report card it was written, “Francine needs to
speak up more.” It was such a struggle. It was almost as if I were
doing something wrong.”
Translated, for me means it is all about energy. I love to give speeches, talk, interact with others and go to parties, but it means using my “energy.” When my energy is depleted, I need to be alone and restore my energy. Being alone is the only way I could prepare myself for being social again. An extrovery get his/her energy from other people and consequently his/her energy is depleted when alone. Sounds kind of crazy, doesn't it?
Henri J.M. Nouwen said it like this: “Often we come home from a sharing session with a feeling that something precious has been taken away from us or that holy ground has been trodden upon.”
For me, this simple explanation about energy helps me understand myself so much better. I wondered why it was difficult for me to have guests for a couple of days (or more). I loved having guests, but if I didn’t slip away and have some alone time, I honestly felt as if I could not make it through.
I am happy (as I believe most introverts are) and wouldn’t have it any other way. I don’t know the percentage of introverts who are writers, but I think we like to express ourselves in that manner and skip the small talk. We definitely want to be heard.
John Green said, “Writing is something you do alone. Its a profession for introverts who want to tell you a story but don't want to make eye contact while doing it.”
We are happy with a couple of very good friends, instead of many friendships. We are also loyal and very good listeners.
“Because introverts are typically good listeners and, at least, have the appearance of calmness, we are attractive to emotionally needy people. Introverts, gratified that other people are initiating with them, can easily get caught in these exhausting and unsatisfying relationships.”
Adam S. McHugh
Personally speaking, if I hear of a death or a sad story, even if I don’t know the person, I sometimes cannot shake the empathy and sad feelings for that person.
Loud noises and chaos causes unpleasant feelings and I just want to escape.
My favorite time is in the morning when I am alone with my candles and thoughts. This gives me energy to be social and get through the day. In the end, though it is God’s love that completes and understands me in a way no one else could. Mr. McHugh said it even better:
“When introverts go to church, we crave sanctuary in every sense of the word, as we flee from the disorienting distractions of twenty-first-century life. We desire to escape from superficial relationships, trivial communications and the constant noise that pervade our world, and find rest in the probing depths of God's love.”
Adam S. McHugh, Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture
Sources:
http://www.carlkingdom.com/10-myths-about-introverts
http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/introverts
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)Well said. I agree with all of it. Good article as always...you are so talented.Thanks so much, Elle
This is a really interesting take on the subject, Fran. I love what your uncle said to you.
I've been wondering about this topic and I think I'm a mixture! I need to come home to myself often and be with my own thoughts, and I get exhausted and feel assaulted if I get too much stimulation. But I also get exhausted and horribly frustrated if I'm alone too much.
I've thought for a long time that the introvert part of me is a result of childhood experiences - and probably to some extent it is, but I can also see, after reading what you've written, that it could partly be just who I am. Thanks, you've made me think!It is an interesting subject, for sure. I am going to get the book, "The Introvert Advantage (How To Thrive in an Extrovert World)", by Marti Laney, Psy.D. for further understanding. Maybe you are the best parts of each "innie and outie."!
Hugs, Fran
Well Said Fran!! And a timely message indeed! Thank you! From one who loves to write to another, very well said!!Thank you so much, Jackie. Do you write for a web site?
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