Stranded, Desperate, Alone And Paralyzed On The Last Day Of School

The last day of school fills me with excitement. I take a deep breath as I think about the idea of no more homework or scurrying to class. No more running up the stairs, hoping I will make it in time.

I am free. I let the words seep through my whole being, as I close my book for the last time. I look around and see my classmates laughing, jumping up and down with shouts of joy. Time seems to stand still, but after a few minutes, I realize my classmates are catching the bus or getting into their vehicles and leaving.

I realize it is time to come out of my state of elation and get on with it. Let me see. Do I have everything? What about my report card? I am anxious to know if I made straight A’s or is biology going to keep me off the honor roll? I go by the office. I just made it in time. They are locking everything up and preparing to leave.

“What about my report card?”

“ Don’t you remember that we mail it to you? It will be there within the week.”

“Oh, I was just concerned about my biology grade. Everything else should be OK.”

I realize I am talking to myself, as I see the thin be speckled woman walk away as she draws her car keys from her purse.

Now the halls of the school are almost empty, except for the school principal and he seems to be almost shooing everyone out. He uses the same quick hand motion that I have seen him use during a fire drill.

“Everything OK?”

“Yes, I am just leaving.”

I exit the building and just as I exit the door, I see the back end of the bus #40, which is my bus. I look at my watch. The bus left 15 minutes earlier than usual. Why wasn’t I told? My friends are all on the bus chatting about what they are going to do for the summer of perhaps what they are planning to do the rest of their life and I am missing out on that. I swallow hard but now there is something in my throat that is burning, but I need to get home.

What is wrong with me? I suddenly remember that I drove my car today. I leap with joy because I love being independent and driving my own car. How could I forget that I drove today? I walk with a fast pace. No, it isn’t on this side of the building, but I must have parked on the opposite side. No, it isn’t here, either. The school parking lot was probably filled, so I must have parked in the next block.

It’s not there. Wait a minute. I don’t even know the color or make of the car. How would I locate it without this information?

Oh well, maybe I didn’t drive today after all. This morning now seems like just a fog to me. Even when I try to remember, I just can’t. It just won’t come.

Then I remember my trusty cell phone. I pull it out of my purse. I’ll call Mother or Dad and they will come pick me up. There is only one problem. As I look at my cell phone, I realize there are no numbers or names in memory. I really don’ t know our home telephone number, nor do I know Mother or Daddy’s work number. It never seemed important before, so I just didn’t bother to memorize it or key it into my cell phone memory.

I take another deep breath like I was taught in Yoga Class. I can think really clear if I take a deep breath. Then the answer come to me swiftly and surely, just like the Yoga teacher said it would.

Of course, I will walk. I need the exercise and it is a beautiful day. I began walking at a fast pace. The road doesn’t ‘t seem to have any traffic, so my walk will be even more pleasant. Suddenly I am faced with a fork in the road and I can’t remember which way is home. Am I even going the right direction? Where is home? Why are there no cars on this road? Is the world even still turning? It feels like the twilight zone. I must keep myself from getting panic-stricken, but I am beginning to be really afraid.

Oh, my gosh! I think I am going crazy! I am all alone and have no sense of direction! My heart is racing, which makes me feel even more scared and now I am having trouble breathing!

“Breathe.” I tell myself. Just breath/”

Then I hear the sweet sound of swooshing air. It gets louder and louder.

“Darn.”

It’s no wonder I can’t always get a good night’s sleep. The pillars from my C-Pap machine have come out of my nostrils. No wonder I couldn’t catch my breath. I wish I didn’t have sleep Apnea, but most of the time my machine works really well and allows me to sleep without losing my breath.

Now the dream visits me again, as I languish under my new gold and brown comforter.

I must put it in writing.

I have this same dream, over and over again. I am not a dream therapist or even a psychologist, but I am pretty sure I know what my dream means. It simply means I have not been paying attention to my life. I thought I was paying attention, but I definitely need to be more aware of what is going on. Remember the phone numbers I didn’t even know and they were not in my cell phone? I think these are the people in life who need my help and support, so I need to start paying more attention to them.

I need to be more aware of each moment and each detail of my life. In short, I need to be conscious and not just going through the motions of life. I want to be more aware, more in tune with my inner voice. I want to be more tuned in to what God would have me do.

For weeks, now I have been watching Oprah’s Life Classes and I have learned so much. I thought I knew almost everything there is to know about life, but I was mistaken. I have many more lessons to learn.

Thank goodness, God isn’t finished with me yet. Hopefully, I will bloom into a finer specimen……..