How To Keep A Good Marriage/Relationship Strong: Let There Be Spaces In Your Togetherness
Posted: Thursday, January 20, 2011
by Fran Larson
http://www.franniesquotes.com/
I glanced outside my bedroom window as I was taking the sheets off the bed (to wash) and at the same second my husband, Jim looked over from the 5th hole (golf) where our house is set. He gave me a big wave. I smiled just thinking how happy I am that he could play golf as often as he desires. We were able to afford this, because we live in a manufactured home. It is very attractive, even though some people may not consider them in the same category, but that is a whole other story.
The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions.
Author: Alfred, Lord Tennyson
Just as I encourage and am joyful of the fact that Jim is living his passion, he also allows me to live my passion and be the person I need to be. He is my encourager with writing. I have my own computer but when recently I merely mentioned how it might be nice to get a laptop before going to California, he couldn’t get to Best Buy fast enough. When I broke my finger, he purchased the software program that types your spoken words .He is my constant cheerleader, even though I don’t visualize me being a famous or a best-selling author.
I just happened to think about another part of the movie, the character; Olympia Dukakis played Belcher.She apparantly, did not have a passion because she was very unhappy. She needed something meaningful to occupy her time. This is what they said:
Belcher: You know, you would be a much more contented, pleasant person if you would find ways to occupy your time.
Ouiser Boudreaux: I'm pleasant. Damn it! I saw Drum Eatenton this morning at the Piggly Wiggly, and I smiled at the son of a bitch 'fore I couldn't help myself.
Have you found a way to occupy your time? Have you found a passion? Do it for your marriage/relationship; do it for yourself. If you and I don’t have a passion, we will never be happy and if we are not happy, our spouse or whomever we are having a relationship will not be happy. If you and I don’t have something we really love, we could be like Ouiser who said, “I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood 40 years!”
I am so thankful I can follow my passion and watch Jim through our bedroom window realize his passion. We are both happier because of that. We are separate, although together. As Kahlil Gibran once said:
“But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.”
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Top-level comments on this article: (10 total)You're such an inspiration, Fran, and your relationship with Jim sounds wonderful. I really agree with you about giving up the passionless things and taking the "risk" of doing what fulfills. Otherwise, what's the point of living?
I am glad your passion is writing and that you share your heart and thoughts with us, your readers! (and fellow passionate WRITERS) Thanks lady, you did it again!
Fran, you are so incredible . Shall I say : older, wiser ? Too true to be truth that we just crave for that little bit of "space" between the "togetherness" ? Men are like a string or a bird (they are birds, indeed) If you keep pulling the string to yourself, it'll slip away farther when your hands loose hold, elastically ...................................................................................................................But if you let go each time, it won't slip as far. It works !
WONDERFUL article. You describe exactly what I think a marriage or partnership should be. It's so important to have your own interests and passions separate from your partner's. It's a bonus when they are happy and supportive of you. You and your husband are very lucky. (But you already know that.) :) Well put Fran!
I love that quote from Kahlil Gibran. Awesome mystic he was. I truly agree that if we don't live with passion and live for our passion, then life can never be joyful. I really like your thoughts. Finding and getting to know our soul nature is the solution to all happiness, success, power and glory as Vivekananda says. Thank you for this wonderful piece Fran.DM
Another excellent, thought provoking article Fran. I'm glad your husband allows you to pursue your passion because we would all be worse off for it if he didn't. Thank you and have a wonderful day, and oh, keep your head low, you never know if Jim's driver is going to be on target.:-)
An excellent article Fran, I enjoyed it and agree with your sentiments wholeheartedly. No one is as blessed as those of us who are happily married and I still love the girl I married fifty-five years ago as much or more now than I did then.
I really liked this article and think it could save marriages. I wonder if age has something to do with the ability to let the other person be their own person?
A very amusing article with a core of good, sound common sense.
What a great article Fran, I love it. Would of loved to have this advice in my early 20's....might of saved a few relationships. I think we grow wiser with our experiences in life. Respecting each other's spaces i very important and following our passion is the way to make our lives a happy journey. Awesome article!!!
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