Chinese Mothers Are Superior: (Says Amy Chua) Are Western Moms Too Soft?
Posted: Saturday, January 08, 2011
by Fran Larson
http://www.franniesquotes.com/
Right off the bat, I will answer my own question. No, western Moms are not slackers. I think they are loving, nurturing and most want their child to have a good self-image.
Let’s take a look at what a typical Chinese mother expects of her child (according to Amy Chua, who authored, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother to be published Tuesday by Penguin Press)
- Watch TV or play computer games
- Play any instrument other than the piano or violin
- Have a play date
- Attend a sleepover
- Get any grade less than an A
Does The End Justify The Means?
One of my favorite artists is Lang Lang. If you have never heard him perform, please take the time to google his name and give yourself a treat. I got acquainted with his musical talents via my Bocelli DVD.
Entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/ tells reveals something about his life and the way his parents reared him. This story reveals culteral differemces between the west and China.
Lang Lang's story, told in a new, ghostwritten autobiography, Journey of a Thousand Miles revealed, “two inconceivable pressures have shaped this young man. His father's own musical ambitions were thwarted by Mao Zedong's Cultural Revolution, which ruthlessly suppressed artists. And, Lang Lang, born in 1982, belongs to a freak generation: China's one-child policy kids, the sole focus of their parents' expectation.”
Lang Lang was brought up in Shenyang, a province of northern China. When he was 2 years of age, his parents made many sacrifices in order to purchase a piano. His parents taught him to read music even before he read letters. He began piano lessons at 3 and gave his first recital when he was 5.
Once a professor said that Lang Lang did not have any talent. Upon hearing this, his father, Lang Guoren, a policeman insisted that he practice harder. He was actually hysterical when Lang Lang returned from school later than usual. “You've missed nearly two hours of practicing and you can never get them back! Everything is ruined! You can't go back to Shenyang in shame ... Dying is the only way out!” He further suggested that Lang Lang either take a medication overdose or jump from their flat.
According to Amy Chua, it is not harmful to call your children names and taunt them. If they need to lose weight, you could call them, “fatty.” Her parents called her “garbage" because she was extremely disrespectful of her mother.” It worked really well. I felt terrible and deeply ashamed of what I had done. But it didn't damage my self-esteem or anything like that. I knew exactly how highly he thought of me. I didn't actually think I was worthless or feel like a piece of garbage.”
In the end, who is right? Chinese mothers insist their children practice music for hours verses American Moms, probably 1 hour. Chinese Moms get results from calling their children names and they think American Moms worry too much about self-esteem. Who will be happier? What is success?
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More commentsWhat a great article. One that I don't have the correct answers for. It does show me what I have known and have written about that to be successful, even if you don't have "talent" can be achieved by hard work coupled with some other positive steps that all us mere mortals have in our potential. Now, how they achieve it and what they miss out on etc seems off the charts for me but it is thought provoking nevertheless. Thanks for a fantastic article, where the main focus was totally unknown to me.
Steve
Hi Fran, what should I say, as a Chinese myself. But the Chinese parents in Malaysia are different from the Chinese parents in China. There are so many Chinese all over the world and each varies from life style to parenting . That one you mentioned is "too much" even I couldn't take in myself. The child may excel in things the mother pursues (her dreams) Very selfish and pressured.
I prefer a bit "loose" with children. Haha.....
Great article, Fran. A man who I think is very wise has often said to me "don't sacrifice the child to the occasion". I can't believe that the kind of success that results from bullying and harassing children is worth anything. I think love and respect are more important than success.
You've zeroed in on the basic reason why everyone wants to come to America- and you showed it admirably.......Good article Fran- Thanks- Always- Ella
Hi Fran. Excellent article. I agree with your thoughts on this issue. I believe we should nuture and encourage our children with a healthy and balanced dose of discipline. Thanks for bringing this to light. Blessings to you! Teresa
Excellent thoughts presented Fran. I would say every culture has some positives and negatives. Finally, human behavior boils down to learning. Ms Chua has nurtured her daughter the way she was nurtured by her mother. Similarly, her neighbor could be way different towards her children and probably even worse. This kind of treatment is very much an "Asian" thing. There are things worse than what Ms. Chua does which you may not want to know. The way children get beaten up by parents at times is really a bad sight. Thank you for a nice read.
"Chinese Moms get results from calling their children names and they think American Moms worry too much about self-esteem."Very interesting, Fran. My own Liberian culture is closer to the Chinese, though probably not as rigid. Is one wrong or better than the other? I think not. Just different, that's all. ~mogama~
I think a lot of Americans use some of the same name calling tactics but for different reasons.Thank you for a thought provoking topic.
Ugh, there are so many things wrong with this Chinese woman. I mean, piano and violin are great, but the mental benefits that we get from learning music could certainly be acquired from many other instruments. and what about Sports? Peh, who needs athletic ability when they got Mozart, right. Getting anything less than an A should not be looked as failure because if anyone has ever experienced the culture of pre-med students or another highly competitive group such is this, it is wild and anything but healthy. Then again, a large amount of the student population at UC Berkeley, UC Irvine, and many other schools in California are Asian, and you likely need to have NO B's or C's on your record to get accepted to these schools, which makes for sort of a different problem. I love video games, and I think they can do a lot of good in terms of enriching a child's sense of direction, goal setting, and hand-eye coordination. Just as you said, as long as there is a balance, that is the important thing. Good article Fran!
Fascinating--I've heard so much about this book! I think you hit the nail on the head with "balance." A very interesting cultural study, though...As one review mentioned, let's wait until her kids write their own memoirs about their childhood!
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