Elizabeth Edwards And Others Who Survived 30 Years Of Marriage, Then Discovered Spouse A Stranger.
Posted: Thursday, July 01, 2010
by Fran Larson
http://www.franniesquotes.com/
I was mesmerized and glued to the television as I watched Elizabeth Edwards bravely talk about her new book, Resilience. She also discussed the reasons why her marriage failed after 30 years and four children (one child died).
She stated that John Edwards was a wonderful man when she married him and still has good qualities. However, she lamented that he now was a " different " person. According to Elizabeth, he looked the same, talked the same and seemed like the same person from outward appearances, but the fact was he was not the same person. The John Edwards that she knew and pledged her life to was not there. I have also heard Kate Goselin say the same thing about John Goselin. I am sure there are many non-celebrity marriages that end because of a spouse who just is not the same person. In fact, they are a stranger. Would you want to live with a perfect stranger?
Because of this change, a spouse may seek a relationship that is 100% different than the person they are married to. Elizabeth stated that the woman (did not mention a name because she has class) whom John was involved with was the complete opposite of her.
When the spouse who has changed so rapidly is lured by a completely different personality, it could lead to infidelity.
The most frequent bad behavior that threatens marriages today is infidelity. Recent estimates have suggested that as many as 50% of divorces are preceded by cheating (and one well-known marriage therapist has stated that in his practice, nearly 90% of divorces were precipitated by adultery). (psychologytoday)
If this change in a spouse is gradual, perhaps together couples could figure out how they could grow together and yet grow separately: ( Let there be spaces in your togetherness , And let the winds of the heavens dance between you Khali Gibran)
However, if you wake up one morning and suddenly realize you are with a complete stranger who has different goals, different morals and you don't even know who he/she is, how can a marriage survive?
Maybe by keeping the lines of communication open and observing your spouses interests, you would have a chance to grow along and grow old with that person.
The sad fact for Elizabeth Edwards and others, through no fault of their own, is that they are suddenly facing someone whom they do not know.
There needs to be an acknowledgment that a real deviation could occur for one or both partners and that, ideally, it will be discussed and managed together. (Shrinktalk.com)
As Elizabeth Edwards and others leave behind a long-term marriage, - a marriage to a complete stranger, I applaud them because even seeking a new life can be difficult.
Anatole France said: All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.
This Article has been viewed 91 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)It is not uncommon to one day wake up and find the man sleeping besides you is a total stranger although you two have been sharing a bed for over 30-40 years. Why or what has gone wrong in between may not have a clue.But I know all this doesn't come overnight. The skeleton hidden behind the closet has been there for quite a long time.
I'm wondering if Elizabeth is the woman who was interviewed on Oprah some time ago. She'd also written a book, I'm sure it was Resilience. But back then she said her husband had had an affair, but she'd forgiven him.It was sad, I could see that he was making no effort to understand why he'd had an affair, and it was clear that he would do it again. I felt very frustrated watching her, and sad. If it's the same woman, then I guess she finally faced the truth.
John Edwards knew that this would affect his relationship with his wife. Since he lured outside of his marriage, he has to deal with the consequences. His wife has feelings of betrayal and on top of that, they have kids together, which is something they will have to cope with. Divorce seems likely judging from the incident.
Liked this article Fran- it's both timely and interesting. To me it just proves again, that the institution of marriage, as we know it, for the most part, simply doesn't work. With the positions of men and women changing the way they are, It probably could do with good overhaul, in order to make it more viable for both men and women in the future.Just my opinion- Thanks - Always- Ella
"Love" is simply dependency and attachment. It's all temporary, and gets dreadfully predictive in time, as does everything in the mundane world if you are the least bit intelligent and observant.
I like to think most people have good intentions when they promise to love someone forever. But forever is a long time. I don't judge couples who experience infidelity and divorce. It can happen to anyone and it usually happens to the very couples you would least expect. That's life sometimes. I would say people who remain married to their true love forever are very fortunate, but I'm guessing there's many who stay married forever who are not happy. That's a waste of two lives. You are very lucky Fran as am I. (25 years and happy).
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.