The Sad Ending Of Al And Tipper Gore: Doesn’t Anyone Want To Grow Old Together Anymore?
Posted: Saturday, June 05, 2010
by Fran Larson
http://www.franniesquotes.com/
Maybe it is because I am blessed to have a happy, long-term marriage with a wonderful man, but when I hear of a couple splitting up, it makes me so sad. It is especially sad after 40 years. Remember the photo of them in a long, passionate, romantic kiss? What could have happened? I know I am an incurable romantic and naive, but I just don't understand how love can change. I don't mean to judge the Gores and no one really knows what kind of marriage they had, but for me, I just feel sad.
Dr. Phil teaches that there is a time when you are definitely ready for a divorce: "You know you're ready for a divorce when you can walk out the door with no anger, frustration or hurt. Otherwise, you've got unfinished business," says Dr. Phil. "Unless and until you look each other in the eye feeling peace, no hatred or resentment, you're not ready to get a divorce." Maybe this was the place the Gore's and other couples have reached and that is why I can't relate.
It isn't just young people getting a divorce, anymore. People live longer these days and perhaps do not want to be unhappy in their golden years. Indeed, a 2004 AARP survey of 1,147 respondents found that "gray divorce'' among those at midlife and beyond are on the rise.
My husband Jim is my very best friend. Oh yes, I have women friends that I lunch with and I may even talk about Jim leaving his socks on the floor or some stupid thing like that, but the bottom line is he is my number one BFF. Knowing my women friends will be coming for a tea; he will do extra cleaning jobs without being asked and even entertain Sunny and Cody (our pet dogs) during the tea. Sometimes he makes a trip to put gas in my car (even though I certainly know how to do that) and checks the tires, etc and makes sure the GPS is in the car when I am going a few miles away from home.
Now I don't mean to make Jim sound like a perfect husband; nor, do we have a perfect marriage. We have our moments of disagreements, anger, and every day irritations just like any couple, but am I tired of him? No, a big, resounding, "no."
We separate every night to watch our own television programs. Our taste in what we like is so different and yet I love just knowing he is in the next room. Maybe I will come say "hi" once in a while or maybe he will bring me popcorn.
Our interests are so different. Jim is a very good golfer. He is a lover of any sport and can quote many sports related statistics. I am the opposite. I don't care for sports, though sometimes I will go to a "Rays" game with him and cheer. I like to write and read and he does not. What holds us together? Go figure.
Jim and I are growing old together. We are getting more forgetful. We are getting arthritis. Our children have left home. It's OK, though because we have each other.
We confide our disappointments and heartaches to each other. We can laugh over a movie and even at ourselves, as we change and age. Even if I never got a chance to do any traveling or go anywhere, just to be able to sit on the sofa and hold his hand is the most wonderful thing in the world for me. I cannot bear to think of ever losing him, but we have both agreed that whomever dies first will keep in touch with the other one.
Does this sound sappy and cocky? (I don't mean to be cocky about a happy marriage because I know sometimes things don't work out, no matter how hard you try.) I am just saying if you can work through problems come out smiling on the other end, it is the best world you will ever experience.
All I want to do is grow old with Jim. Why don't others want the same thing?
Just wondering out loud.
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More commentsHi Fran its easy to say i want to be alone sometimes in the heat of an argument,but your spouse or partner are very precious and you should live your life with him or her everyday to the fullest because when they are gone,thats when you realise how much you miss them .
Can't relate?What marriage partners who enter into professional psychoanalytical psychotherapy marriage counseling therapy DON"T know is that self actualization normally causes marital DIVERGENCE instead.That is, separation is usually the successful fruit of professional therapy.Healed partners do now seek their own very separate dreams unfurled;as discrete individuals, they both know who they are and what they want.Some unprofessional marriage counseling isn't counseling as it isn't geared towards patient self actualization but towards making a bad marriage "work" at all costs to individual healing and self actualizationAn irony exists.To sum it up; He said that he couldn't live without her, and she said that she couldn't live without him, but he went North and she went South and they both lived.It's certainly much harder after forty long years wandering in someone else's desert.Affection, Paul
My guess on this is that the Gore's would have divorced years ago except for his career. Now that he's out of that limelight and not going back they can do what they want... just a guess.
We just came from a party where the majority of people were divorced and single or on a second marriage. I think it's sad when a marriage breaks up because most people enter into it with the best of intentions. They all want to grow old with someone they love. But I don't know how realistic it is to think we can promise to love someone forever when people change over the years, we change too. If a couple has given it their all and still unhappy, I think it is best to live apart. My husband and I celebrated our 25th last week and I'm happy to say we still love eachother and even like eachother most days. We, like you and Jim, know we're very lucky. Great article Fran, and no you don't sound cocky or sappy.
Terrific thoughts and opinions!!
It is hard to say these days that a marriage looks so perfect on the outside to the public can suddenly crash and really crash, seriously like the Gores. But, behind every couple there could be certain problems the outsiders are never to know.You are truly a little woman - I am a woman, I should know the happiest woman is a little woman. Not something great you have achieved but a good man you have married.
Hey Fran,All fairy tales end at ..and they lived happily ever after. i remember A movie probably with Barbara streisand where she says that in real life the story begins afterwards...marriage is no doubt hardwork. Even if anger and irritation abound, you have to actually learn to appreciate all the joys that are also present. Its all in the attitude of the couple whether they want to make it work...and probably Jean's speculation is correct.
Great article and very sad! I am currently divorced, but I hope one day to re-marry and grow old with that person.
Your marriage sounds a lot like mine. I love my wife, she is my best friend and I couldn't live without her. If I had to venture a guess, it would be Al being able to get too many women so he is leaving the woman behind all of his success - a.. .... if you ask me ; )
my x-wife left me after 25 1/2 yrs of marriage. She left claiming she never really loved me and wasn't "in love w/me", has never been happy..and has always wanted out, but I manipulated her into staying....It was nuts.. I had demanded divorce in yr. 7, she cried & begged me not too...then not wanting me to divorce her, she started treating me so much better...gave me best yr. of my life...in yr. 8 she said she wanted to make babies, promised to love me forever...etc..she had to say these things to get me to agree as only a yr. before she had been so very cold to me and treating me with disdain..which is why I had wanted a divorce. What can I say I loved her so she got what she wanted. Wife said she miscarried 1st. pregnancy (though I;m now positive she secretly had an abortion because it was another mans baby)...in yr. 10 we had our son...in yr. 12 our daughter...Then in yr. 26 she left. She claimed that our son becoming manic-depressive had nothing to do with it. Despite fact that she first blurted out she was leaving immediately after he had a bad episode and she later cried and told me she didn't mean it that I was love of her life, wanted to be w/me forever, but she was so worried about our son. Weeks later she did this again after another one of his episodes...and so it went...until finally she left. Also..only months before this...she came to me wanting to adopt a child...saying we had the perfect marriage and family, etc.... She left immediately after another one of his episodes...then came back...told me she was sorry but so worried about our son who was a mess and threatening to commit suicide (her brother killed himself) - she cried and apologized and grabbed me and hugged me and kissed me all over....She left again just after our son had another episode...and this time she didn't some back. I tried to talk to her but all she did was shotgun complaints at me, overwhelming me with complaints...you'd think I was a monster who held her prisoner for 25 yrs....and she trashed every loving memory of my entire adult life I had spent w/her, and gave me no chance for reconciliation, none at all. I found out later that she had decided to come back to me and that her evil mother talked/pressured her out of it. Her mother has hated me since day 1 of meeting me when I was a wild teenager and she has always thought that I (a working man) was not good enough for her daughter. Her mother married a man that was the son-of-a-doctor and on pre-med course in college. She thought she was marrying someone who would become a doctor. He didn't. One sister went to nursing school and married a doctor. Another told everyone that she was going to go out to the local bars and find a get pregnant by or a doctor or someone in last yrs. of med-school. Another sister got pregnant by and married a very wealthy man who was 35 yrs. her senior...Anyhow..you get the pic. I'm sure. And guess where my x is working now? Yeah...bet you guessed it. She works at a DOCTOR"S OFFICE.
{Mrs. Larson, if what I told you here moved you - please contact me via email. Thanks.}
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