How To Let Your Adult Children Go: Allow them to be independent: Recreate Your Own Life
Posted: Monday, February 01, 2010
by Fran Larson
http://www.franniesquotes.com/
I thought I had "let go" of my children many moons ago, but as time goes by, I realize that some parts of me may never "let go." As I begin to write this, I realize that letting your children go is a life-long process. There doesn't seem to be a time-line in which you can pull the plug and say, "my mommy days are over." It just doesn't happen that way. Perhaps once that maternal instinct has awakened in you, it is hard to close down. Having said that, I don't think we, as parents ever close down all the way. Once Pandora's Box has been open, it never completely closes again.
However, since it is an on-going process, we can exercise some ideas that will help us "let go" and let our adult children live their lives they way they desire.
1. Remember, your children are not you; Celebrate who they are
Your children are not a carbon copy of you. Thank goodness for that. It everyone was a clone of their parents, it would be a boring world. There would never have been Picasso or Einstein. Even if you could wish them to be exactly like you, they have a whole different mixture of genes that make them the unique person they are.
Sophia Bedford-Pierce said:
There is not one way to
Accomplish a task, or live a life.
There is not one name for
happiness, contentment, or caring.
I have heard it said
And I have read
If there were only one door,
There would be only one
Key to life.
2. Create your own interests and keep recreating your life.
Resist the urge to get over involved in their lives. Even if you want to dictate every decision or put your "two cents" worth in, you could not because they are not going to tell you everything. They shouldn't have to tell you everything. Would you really want to know every detail of their lives, just as they don't want to know every detail of your life?
3. You can't fix everything or prevent them from having heartache.
This is the hardest task of all because when your child hurts, no matter what their age is, you hurt. You worry. You pray. You call them. In reality though, you can't "fix" it or make it go away. Your heart is broken.
What we can do is give encouragement, pray and realize they now have their own coping skills in place and are fully able to face whatever challenges they need to face.
4. Realize that you can't turn the clock back to yesterday
Maybe you wish you had done a better job of parenting. As you look back, you realize you could have spent more time with them or explained things better or even given them more material things. Unfortunately, we can't change the past, but we can forgive ourselves and go on.
I venture to say there never has been a perfect parent and there never will be, but most of us did the best we could with the knowledge that we had.
I like the way Erma Bombeck thought about family life not being perfect:
The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.
In conclusion, every day is a process of letting go. It actually begins the moment our child in put in our arms as a babe. At that second the child is becoming who he is and his own person.
Jonas Salk said, "Good parents give their children roots and wings - roots to know where home is and wings to fly off and practice what has been taught them."
I challenge you to celebrate the fact that your children are independent and an asset to our planet.
Giving birth to children and then giving them back to the universe is the way God planned.
The circle of life is a manisfestation of the infinite....Sophia Beford-Pierce
Is there a right way to apologize. Please read
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Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)Very insightful article, Fran. Thanks.
Amen, Fran, amen!
Hi Fran.Great article. I hope that a lot of parents with grown children will read your insightful article and will learn from it. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.All the best to you and yours,Nenita
Very insightful article, Fran. Thanks.
Great article Fran. Hopefully Moms who need to let go will read your article. Thanks for sharing.
So true, I don't think anyone really lets go,"totally", after all they're a part of you but you want to see them succeed and have their own life.Very good article, Thanks for sharing.
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