Fran Larson

How to Get Along With Your In-Laws, Even Before Marriage: Setting Limits


Posted: Saturday, January 23, 2010

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Here is a letter from Libby:

Dear Fran,

How would you suggest one handles pushy in-laws? I am getting married in a few months and my future sister-in-law is very controlling over my fiancé and now me. She tries to make plans for everyone and when we cannot attend she gets upset and calls her mom and gets her involved too

My fiancé is used to this, as he grew up with her, but this is all new to me. I am just looking for some tips on what I can say when she acts controlling and how I handle this going forward. Thanks!

Libby
_______________________________________________________________________


Libby,

Congratulations on your up-coming marriage.

I am so glad you asked this question. The truth is, you actually marry your in-laws, as well as your husband. It is a package deal, unless your fiancé' never sees his family. This certainly does not seem to be the case.

1. Decide how involved you and your future husband want to be.
The good news is that your future husband's family appear to enjoy doing things together. However, it needs to be established now that, although you enjoy doing things with his family, you will be the one who decides how involved you want to be.

For example, do you want to have Sunday dinner every week with them, vacations, holidays, etc.?

2. Let your fiance' know that you expect him to talk with his family about this situation.
Your fiancé should be the one to speak to family members on your behalf, beginning right now and on through your marriage. (By the same token, if it were your family, you would speak to them). He needs to explain to them that you want to do family things, but getting upset and calling other family members when you cannot go will not work and causes you discomfort.

3. Realize that you are new in the family and everyone is excited about the marriage.
I would also give your future sister-in-law some slack, believing she is excited about having you in the family.

Best Wishes

Fran Larson, Miss Etiquette

Do you think all men know how to love?  You may be surprised at the answer.  Please read
How to recognize real love: Men Who Can't Love-Why?


Francine Larson:

Co-Author of Character Keys to a Bright Future.

She is a freelance writer

See more articles by Francine Larson at:http://www.examiner.com/modern-love-in-tampa-bay/francine-larson

She also writes for The Highlands at Scotland Yards. She writes poetry and short stories.

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