What Would Jillian Michaels, The Biggest Loser Trainer Say About My Progress In Losing Weight?
Posted: Saturday, November 14, 2009
by Fran Larson
http://www.franniesquotes.com/
Jillian would say, "Why are you sitting at the computer all day writing? What's wrong with you? Are you crazy? You can think of things to write about while you're on the treadmill; you can take your recording and record what you want to say while you're pedaling on the stationary bike. Get to the gym NOW!!!"
Then, a couple hours into my really intense workout she would still be on fire with rage.
"Do not slow down on that stationary bike. You have to pedal faster than that to boot-up your computer. I've got the computer hooked up to the bike so that it won't even come on until you have used 500 calories. Then after it does come on, you have to pedal even faster. You are going to make up for all the times you did not go to the gym. Pedal, pedal, pedal. What's that? You're feeling sick? Just don't puke on your computer, you'll ruin everything you won't be able to write at all if you puke."
"Now we're going to do some push-ups in between abdominal exercises. Oh, Fran, that is pitiful. We're going to pretend that you are a marine. Do you know what marines do, Fran? They do push-ups. They do many, many, push-ups and if they don't, they have to clean the Latrine with their backpack full of sugar (15 pounds in your case) for 12 hours straight. I forgot one important thing. Smile. If you don't smile, I will triple the amount of push-ups. Do you hear me, Fran? Don't stop doing the push ups, just do them with one hand if you hear me." This is your last chance workout. If I don't almost kill you, I haven't done my job, so don't expect to be able to walk when I get through with you. It's OK, though. You can crawl if you can't walk. That is a good exercise."
"As a surprise today, I am going to go through your kitchen to see what kind of food you are eating. The spinach is good, lettuce, carrots- hmm that's all good. Something isn't right here. I know you must have some goodies hidden somewhere. Here it is! Are you kidding me? You hid candy bars in your bedroom so your husband wouldn't see you eating them.? There's more. I can smell the chocolate. You thought I couldn't find these Snicker Bars in the pillow case covers? Don't you know this candy makes for bad metabolism? This is very upsetting. Candy? ARE YOU KIDDING ME??"
" Now, before you climb into your exercise bed, we need to talk. By the way, this bed will keep working on your muscles all night long, so you can burn a few more calories while you sleep. I know lately you have had some emotional issues to deal with, but don't eat! This is what you do. You sign up for a marathon that includes a 20-mile hike, walking 15 miles, and 5 miles of swimming. I call it the tri (try) to kill yourself day. You will be fine, just drink plenty of water. Another thing about your emotional eating is this: Next time you have a desire to eat a bag of Oreo cookies, just think how you are going to look. Remember, you are what you eat. Your butt will be shaped like an Oreo cookie. This is what you do. You just chew gum until that passion for Oreos gets out of your system. It's OK to cry, as a matter of fact, that will probable rid you of a few calories. Just remember Oreos are poison."
I couldn't believe my eyes. Jillian was standing over my bed, looking at me. I guess she had been there all night. I had got up to go to the bathroom. Jillian must have thought I was going to the kitchen for a snack. She was frothing at the mouth and had a stomach pump ready.
I just couldn't take it anymore. I was done. I was so sore, just the touch of the mattress and pillow felt like needles. I drank so much water; I must be drowning in my own water. Also, my skin was an orange color from eating so many carrots. I couldn't move; I couldn't breath; I couldn't talk. I must be dying. Everything is going black. Everything except Jillian. Jillian would be the last face I would see before I.....
"Honey, wake up. You must be having another one of your nightmares. You're kicking me. You are talking in your sleep. Who is Jillian?"
I was speechless. Thank God it was a dream. I reached under my pillow for my Snicker Bar. It was still there. I gathered up the candy bars and took them to the kitchen. I put them in the trash.
The candy is safely in the trash, so I can't eat candy.
I was just thinking.if the candy is still in the wrapper, I could probably retrieve it from the trash tomorrow.
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)Oh Fran I loved this article. You say the chocolate was hidden from your partner so he wouldn't "see" you eating it - whereas I hid mine so he wouldn't "ask" for some. I can relate to going back in the bin for the snickers bar, but to be honest I couldn't bring myself to throw it away in the first place - dream or no dream. I'd fight to the death for my chocolate and should anyone and Jillian attempt to try to take the bar out of my hand, they would have to break my wrist first.A well derserving article for the feature spot.Keep wellKacy
I have to ask, are you a fan of Biggest Loser? Because you know Jillian to a T. I personally LOVE the show, it does so much good, although people who just tune in for one episode don't 'get' that, with all the abuse going on. :) LOVED your article. (and just so you know, I"m on my way to the gym, what are you doing? :)
yes I do like The Biggest Loser also but she is just alittle to harsh for me but if it means losing weight I'll put up with it.
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